A Well Watered Garden

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Good, Bad and the Ugly

Adoption is an amazing journey...I'm saying that with full knowledge that I am simply at the beginning...still in China, half way through our "Gotcha Trip". But as I lay in bed sick, all I have to do is reflect on the journey so far and God has shown me a thing or two. First of all, I thought I had given up control two years ago, only to realize that I only gave up the first layer. The first one is the easy layer, the one that comes away quickly because it makes sense and you can rationalize it. This past year, through the adoption process God has brought me to my knees, literally and figuratively. The paperwork chase was just a shadow of things to come...waiting for your file to shuffle from one desk to another...the endless game of guessing when we would be traveling and where the finds would come from.

I feel like from day one God said, all you have to do is step out and I will do the rest....well that sounded great at the time...What a deal! right? Except that He was speaking literally...He was in control every single step...when I thought, Oh, great! Charles got a bonus, our car broke down. When I scrimped and saved so that I could meet the next deadline payment, something else happened. I would rush and stress over a notarized paper and it would get stuck on someone's desk. Every step of the way, God provided...His way. Every step of the way, He made me wait, taught me patience and told me to trust.
The most frustrating part? We are here, and He is still teaching me. Henry bonded instantly to Charles but as hard as I try, it is not coming easily with me. Never in a million years did I expect this to be so hard, to love someone with as selfless a love as I can muster, and for it not to be reciprocated.

I look at Henry and it's hard not to draw the link between him and us as Christians. God draws us to Himself, he "purchased" us with His blood, (sweat and tears) and we are still unsure about Him. He proves Himself over and over and at the end of the day there is still doubt and fear.
It has only been two weeks that Henry has been our son and I know that time will bring trust and bonding but I feel the sadness that God must feel on a much deeper level, when after years of being His daughter I still act that way. And all He can do is wait...and love, with his undying, never ending well of love.
I love this. I love that He brings me to the end of myself to reveal things that I wouldn't otherwise sit still long enough to consider or feel. I love it that when I look at Henry I see myself, a scared child who has no idea how blessed his future is in the hands of our God. I love it that He chose me to be His daughter in spite of my past, in spite of my rebellious nature. I love it that God chose me to be Henry's mother and Charles to be his father and that every step from now on may not be easy but we will be gripping on to the hem of His garment.

But I have trusted in your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. Psalm 13:5

Monday, October 1, 2012

Back Home at Shepherd's Field

Hi there...It has been a crazy couple of days. We arrived at Shepherd's Field on Saturday night just in time for a western dinner of cheeseburgers/chicken sandwiches and fries...then drove hours through BeiJing traffic to the village where we happily said goodnight and found our perfectly perfect room with two comfy beds. We woke up to beautiful weather and coffee thanks to Starbucks via and Charles took Henry downstairs to check out the breakfast room, but from my window I could hear as Henry saw his friend Bai Bai (Elizabeth), they screamed and hugged and chatted up a storm and then his other friend Joseph came out too. What sweet kids...we gave Joseph the gifts we brought from his family and although he loved the clothes he kept having me read the card that came with it that said he was loved and that he should keep up hope. I told him his family loved him very much and would be there soon and he tucked the card safely inside the sweatshirt and smiled.

Sunday was a day of adjustment for Henry. He didn't have the authority of the ayis so he had a lot of freedom but without us knowing the language he definitely had the advantage. He had a hard time figuring out the boundaries and because they had been so small and clearcut in the hotel in Zheng Zhou, by the end of day we were all spent. After he fell into bed Charles and I regrouped and came up with a new strategy for today, Monday. Today was much better, he is still confused some of the time but is learning who has the authority and he hates for Charles to be upset with him. Bonding with me is still the challenge but I am patient and today we found a copy of a children's Bible so tonight at bed time I got to read him a story...He loves the story of Jonah and the whale.
Its so sweet, they only two things he keeps saying that he wants are a watch and a bible. We finally got him an Angry Birds watch today for $2, but you can't buy Bibles in China so we are so blessed to have found one here this morning.

Anyway, we are doing well. I'm starting to ache for home and for church but am happy to be here...the playground is such a blessing and I'm thrilled to be spending time with Jamie and Sarah.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thursday in China

Today was a good day. We are getting comfortable in this city and compared to yesterday it was a dream. We walked this morning, went to the park and then went swimming this afternoon.

Yesterday we went to visit Henry’s founding place and to apply for his passport. The city was an hour and 40 minute drive, we left a little late, got completely lost trying to find the passport office...Henry was very squirrly in the car, so by we were done with that and with the Public Notary, we decided not to visit the orphanage. We were all exhausted and Henry was done. The orphanage that he was originally at closed and turned into a children’s hospital, so we were going to visit a different one in the area anyway but I was still a little disappointed. Anyway, we got home, ate dinner and went to bed.

I did realize that Henry must be a little confused with the language difference because he talks to the guide a lot and often asks her what we are saying.

We seem to be doing fine though, as long as we understand, “hungry” and “swinning” we make it though the day, but he does say much more than that and seems to understand almost everything.

I can’t believe what a trooper he is. We have been walking a lot, and he doesn’t complain at all. His biggest flaw is that he gets so excited sometimes and talks incessantly to everyone around him or simply to himself...but he is ALWAYS happy. Today while we were walking he was singing, “Crazy the Lord, Hallelujah! Crazy, the Lord, Hallelujah! Crazy the Lord, Hallelujah, Crazy the Lord”. You might recognize the song as saying “Praise ye the Lord”, and we are gonna have to tell him eventually but it was really cute. Tonight Charles and I walked to Pizza Hut to get pizza, it was really good...after we started eating Henry said, “STOP! We forgot to pray! Thank you Jesus for the pizza, and for my family, and for swinning. Amen!” I’m pretty sure this kid is practically perfect in every way:)

So we are taking turns, trading off as each wears out. I know that once we get home the energy will subside some, he is so overstimulated and I’m sure a little unsure still, but we are laughing constantly and really thrilled to be here.

Please pray for us that we don’t get sick, we have all been doing really great..but Viv’s joints started hurting today. She is going to start swimming in the afternoons, hopefully that will help but please pray for her. Also that when we return to Shepherd’s Field on Saturday that Henry does ok. He is really looking forward to seeing his friends again and we are excited to see Jamie. Three weeks is a long time to stay anywhere though so please pray that we are patient and that we see opportunities that we might be used for the Lord.